Real
Signs ?
A funny sign in a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."
In a Zurich hotel:
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
"Drop your trousers here for best results."
In an Acapulco hotel:
"The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
"Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
In a Czech tourist agency:
"Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages."
In a Rome laundry:
"Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
"We take your bags and send them in all directions."
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
"It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."
Note at the bottom of the menu of a German restaurant:
"After the main course we suggest that you sample the tart of the house"
In a Paris hotel elevator:
"Please leave your values at the front desk."
In a Japanese hotel:
"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."
In a Leipzig elevator:
"Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up."
In the office of a Roman doctor:
"Specialist in women and other diseases."
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
"The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
In a Tokyo shop:
"Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."
In an East African newspaper:
"A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers."
In a Tokyo bar:
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."
In a hotel in Athens:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."
In a Hong Kong supermarket:
"For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service."
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
At a Budapest zoo:
"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
"Would you like to ride on your own ass?"
In a Japanese hotel room:
"Please to bathe inside the tub."
In a Tokyo Hotel:
"Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is pleased not to read notis."
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
“To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
“Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.“
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
“Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.“
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
“Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.”
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
“Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation. “
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
“There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. “
In a Vienna hotel:
“In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter. “
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
“Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists. “
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
“A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played. “
On the faucet in a Finnish washroom:
“To stop the drip, turn cock to right. “
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
“Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin. “
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
“Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life. “
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
“Stop: Drive Sideways. “
In a Swiss mountain inn:
“Special today -- no ice cream. “
In a Bangkok temple:
“It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. “
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
“Cooles and Heats: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
“When passenger of foot have in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor. “
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
“- English well talking. - Here speeching American.”
Outside a country shop:
"We buy junk and sell antiques."
Outside A Paris Clothes Shop: "Dresses for street walking."
In a loan company window:
"Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt."
In the window of a Travel Agency:
"Please Go Away!"
In a funeral parlour:
"Ask about our layaway plan."
In an ad for a swimwear store:
"Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!"
Advertisement at a gas station, between San Francisco and Los Angeles on Interstate 5:
"Kids with gas eat free!"
In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:
"15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."
At the dry cleaners:
"We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."
On a shopping mall marquee:
"Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"
In a repair shop:
"We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1."
In a department store:
"Stock up and save! Limit one per customer."
In the window of an Oregon store:
"Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
On a Tennessee highway:
"When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."
On an Atlantic City hotel restaurant:
"Have your next affair here."
In a Maine restaurant:
"Open 7 days a week and weekends."
On the grounds of a public school:
"No trespassing without permission."
On a radiator repair garage:
"Best place to take a leak."
On the walls of a Baltimore estate:
Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
-- Sisters of Mercy
In front of a church:
Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
On a long established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
Thirty-eight years on the same spot.
In a New York medical building:
Mental Health Prevention Centre
On a New York convalescent home:
For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church
In a New York restaurant:
Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager.
A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race:
Let's see who can go downhill the fastest
Spotted in a safari park:
Elephants, please stay in your car.
Outside a photographer's studio:
Out to lunch: if not back by five, out for dinner also.
Notice in health food shop window:
Closed due to illness.
On a plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
On a maternity room door:
Push. Push. Push.
At an optician's shop:
If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On a fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!
Seen on a garbage truck:
Satisfaction guaranteed or double your trash back!
On a church door:
This is the gate of heaven. Enter ye all by this door.
(This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side door.)
Sign warning of quicksand:
Quicksand.
Any person passing this point will be drowned.
By order of the District Council.
In an office:
After tea break staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.